New York Toilets

Jeremy's Ale House

2010-03-10T15:10:00.016-05:00

Past the lotto machine and around the bend you'll find the bathrooms at Jeremy's Ale House. There are separate mens and ladies rooms hiding out in closet-like crevices back there. The ladies room has barely any room between the toilet and the sink, so the best approach is to sit sideways. The bathroom is always rather clean, I suspect due to very few ladies actually coming into the bar (though it's one of my favorites!). On warm days, the smell of frying seafood permeates through the bathroom door...this is much more pleasant than the stale beer smell on other days. The bathroom doesn't suffer from a lack of toilet paper (also probably due to it being used so infrequently). It does, however, lack a toilet paper holder, a mirror, and has an anemic hand dryer. The mirror can be excused though, since there is a mirrored beer sign just outside the bathroom. My favorite thing about this bathroom is squirt-bottle soap dispenser, always full of the pink industrial strength stuff.

Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - plenty of paper products, located in an awesome bar/restaurant
Cons - very small, pretty useless hand dryer, no mirror inside the bathroom
Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Landmark Tavern

2010-02-06T09:10:00.007-05:00

Way out on 11th avenue you'll find the Landmark Tavern. Perhaps because of its way out there location, the bathroom in the establishment is not often used. For me that makes it a great find, since it's warm, clean, and at least when I was there, there was no line. Go past the bar and into the back dining area and on the left you'll see the sign for the ladies room (the men's room is right at the end of the bar on the left side as well...and I appreciate that the ladies room is a bit more secluded than the men's). The bathroom is a single with ample room. A nice touch was the coat hook on the door, so you don't have to desperately try to perch your coat on the knob or search for the least wet spot on the floor to lay it down. When I visited the bathroom there was barely any toilet paper left on the roll, though three extra rolls were left on the back of the toilet. There are three mirrors in the bathroom, with an additional one facing you as you exit the room...a bit excessive for the insecure, but ideal for the vain. A bottle of fragrant Soft Soap was available on the sink and a full paper towel dispenser was located just above the large trash bin. The bathroom smelled quiet fresh and clean, probably due to the Tri-State Scent deodorizer hung on the wall. Overall, a very pleasant experience.

Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
Aroma - 1.5 flushes
Pros - single, secure, isolated bathroom, good upkeep, coat hook, plenty of paper products
Cons - hot water was very hot...so watch out
Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

And we're back...coming to you from d.b.a.

2010-01-17T19:11:00.014-05:00

So, London Toilets didn't catch on, which is why I'm back in New York (well, not exactly). Now that I'm a few years older, as is my bladder, New York Toilets will be bringing to you toilets from all walks of life, coming to you from all boroughs, wherever and whenever there is a public toilet available and in need of rating.

First on the list is d.b.a. in the East Village. The bathrooms are located at the back of the bar on the right in a dark little crevice (in the summer, when you've been sitting in the outside garden sipping your beer in the sunshine, trying to find the bathroom doors in this dark little crevice can be challenging, but in the winter it's manageable). The ladies room is on the right and the men's is on the left. Magically, in a ladies room the size of a standard single bathroom, they have managed to fit two stalls (psst...this means SMALL). Opt for the stall on the right, which is marginally larger and not in the path of the door to the bathroom. However, in either one your knees will probably touch the doors, which are swinging saloon-style doors with dubious locking mechanisms, so if privacy is an issue for you...well, then you're out of luck. There is some great reading material on the walls of either stall. Though small, the bathroom is rather clean with plenty of industrial strength pink hand soap and toilet paper (though my last visit was on a Sunday afternoon, and if memory serves me correctly, I have found myself having to use the tissues I always carry with me on a Saturday night). The hand dryer is a bit anemic, so it would be nice if they could put out paper towels as well...your hair or jeans will have to do for now.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 3 flushes
Pros - interesting graffiti, full soap dispenser
Cons - may need night vision goggles to find the outer door, no leg room or adequate locks
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Happy World Toilet Day!

2008-11-19T03:35:00.001-05:00

No kidding! There is a special day in the calendar to celebrate the toilet on the day our modern toilet was first patented. On this day we're supposed to think about all of the people in the world who don't have toilets. But I'd like to take a look back...reminisce a bit about toilets from my past. Some were good, some were not so good...but all delivered in the end. And if you're heading overseas, check out my survey of London's loos at London Toilets.

New York Toilets changes locale

2007-12-30T20:53:00.000-05:00

New York Toilets is going on a bit of a hiatus. For the next year or so, I'll be living in London. So if you are in the area or if you're just hooked, please check out London Toilets (after January 6, 2008). Or, if you want to know more about an American experience in the motherland, check out Leo and Jen Move to London. Happy flushing!

The Blind Tiger

2007-10-17T09:15:00.000-05:00

There are two bathrooms located in back at the Blind Tiger in the West Village. Both are labeled WC, and can be occupied by either sex. When I wandered into one around 4 p.m. on a Sunday, it seemed more like a bathroom in a hip club on a Friday night. There were wadded up paper towels and toilet paper on the floor surrounding the waste bin and there was fresh urine on the seat and splattered on the floor. But there was a NY Jets game on and the bar was full of large men in their jerseys, so it was kind of appropriate. What made the bathroom redeemable, aside from being in a bar with an enormous variety of excellent beers on tap, was the lighting (which was very bright, yet flattering) and the hand dryer. I have expounded on the glory that is the Excel Dryer, the XLERATOR® in a previous post. The Blind Tiger has this hand dryer, able to dry your soaked hands in mere seconds, sending a jet of air at crazy speeds, and making the skin from your hands look like it's melting off, leaving only bone. I do love these things. There were also paper towels offered, but who needs that when you have the XLerator? Other pluses - ample amounts of toilet paper and a very secure locking mechanism on the door (which you have to wiggle it a bit for it to lock).

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes
Pros - XLerator (need I say more), good lighting, extra rolls of toilet paper, anti-bacterial hand soap, large heavy door with strong lock
Cons - not having distinct men's & women's bathrooms (could help with the uriney mess)
Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Anyway Cafe

2007-06-09T11:48:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at The Anyway Cafe may not be the largest, or cleanest, or most hi-tech, but it is certainly not to be missed. There is a single bathroom located beyond the bar and next to the hanging curtain that encases the kitchen, so there will probably be a wait in a highly trafficked area. But once you get beyond the frosted glass-windowed door, which thankfully you can't see into or out of, you enter a New York restroom of the past. The toilet seat has weights on the back of it, I assume to make it easier for weak hipster men to lift up. The toilet has the tank above it, but does lack a pull-chain for flushing (only has a standard handle), so those patrons that are vertically-challenged may need to stand on tip-toes to flush. The sink is set into a corner in the tiled-wall, keeping it out of the way in this rather small space, and has two soap options. An old oval mirror, reminiscent of the one at Grandma's house, is on the wall to the right of the sink. When you stare into it, especially after a shot of the wonderful infused vodkas from the bar, with the soft overhead lighting, you feel like you have stepped back in time.

Cleanliness - 2 flushes (old tyme does mean slightly grimy)
Aroma - 2 flushes
Pros - two types of hand soap, interesting bathroom fixtures, good lighting
Cons - only one bathroom, so there will be a wait, toilet handle could be a bit too high for some to reach
Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Peasant

2007-06-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

There are two uni-sex bathrooms at Peasant located to the left behind the hostess podium. The bathroom lighting is low and romantic, there are perfumed sticks in a jar behind the toilet, the heavy wooden door provides a feeling of privacy and security, the space is large and comfortable, all inviting you to a fabulous bathroom experience. The rustic Italian theme continues into the bathroom with distressed walls, a stone slab holding up the counter-top glass sink, and olive oil hand soap. There are handrails next to the toilet and a plunger provided just in case. There is a small stack of paper towels located to the left of the sink, which could run out if not replenished often.

Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes (there were a few stray paper towel lying around the garbage can)
Aroma - 1 flush
Pros - olive oil hand soap, synthetic flowers
Cons - romantic lighting is a bit too low for a makeup touch-up, toilet paper is further from the toilet than makes for a comfortable reach
Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

White Horse Tavern

2007-06-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, Dylan Thomas drank in this historic West Village bar, but more importantly, he must have used the bathroom here. And he probably encountered the same mess as I did last time I visited the ladies room at White Horse Tavern. To the left of the bar, past two rooms of merry-makers, and on the right you will find the ladies room. There are two toilets, and two sinks (though one is located within the far stall and the other is located in the area between the two stalls). I would head to the far stall for more privacy and more space. The sink in the far stall also has a mirror above it and a hand dryer, whereas the one in the in-between region is sans mirror and only has paper towels...which, as you can see from my photos, are lying everywhere. My main complaint with this bathroom is the trash..on the floor, on the walls, coming out of the trash cans. It reminds me of the bathroom at L'Express. Perhaps filthy surroundings lead to creative pursuits, but they also leads to bad reviews.

Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - hand drying options, plenty of industrial strength soap
Cons - trash everywhere, puddles on floor
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Staten Island Ferry Terminal (Manhattan side)

2007-06-06T19:29:00.000-05:00

Every New Yorker knows that the best deal in town is a ride on the Staten Island Ferry. There is nothing better than a free boat ride with cheap beer on a beautiful New York day. But few know what wonders can be found in the bathroom in Manhattan terminal. The women's bathroom is immaculately clean and wonderfully hi-tech with a slight prison-of-the-future essence. You won't find any handles or knobs here since all toilets and sinks work on sensors. The decor is stainless steel (keeps you cool in the summer and frozen in the winter). Above the perfectly-spaced sinks are perfectly-spaced mirrors, and soap in nearly all soap dispensers. And as an added touch, there are paper towels for drying hands as well as an electric hand dryer. The only possible complaint is the occasional pigeon found nesting above the entrance to the bathroom, but I think this adds to the ambiance.

Cleanliness - 1 flushes
Aroma - 1.5 flushes
Pros - many stalls, many mirrors, toilets and sinks with sensors, plenty of paper products
Cons - potential for getting stuck to the toilet seat during the winter, possibly pigeon-bombs upon entering the bathroom
Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Dallas BBQ (East Village)

2007-05-31T13:05:00.000-05:00

Be sure to hold onto the railing if you've already downed a Texas-sized pina colada and need to hit the bathroom at the Dallas BBQ in the East Village. Pass the bar, the register, and the kitchen, and on the right you will find a rather steep stairwell down to the bathrooms. The women's room has two stall, one of which is always out of order. The bathroom is rather clean and smells of disinfectant, which I guess is a good thing, considering what it could smell like. The stall, in operation, has a large garbage can in it, and plenty of paper products. There is a long mirror above the sink, as well as a full-length mirror on the opposite wall, excellent for making sure your skirt isn't stuck up into your underwear.

Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes (although disinfectant may not smell too bad, you have to wonder what it is covering up)
Pros - large garbage can in the stall, plenty of paper products, many mirrors
Cons - only one toilet is ever functioning, steep stairwell leading to bathroom
Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Subway Inn

2007-05-31T13:04:00.000-05:00

Few brave souls venture into the Subway Inn on 60th and Lex, let alone into the bathroom. But I, like Virgil, will lead you into this nether region known only to a chosen few (those who just can't hold it in till they get home). Located past the dimly lit bar, in the back of the room are the men's and women's bathrooms. Each is a single occupancy room, large enough to cram in possibly 2 people. The women's room is sparsely decorated, with many an interesting message scrawled on the once white walls. The door to the stall barely closes, as does the door to the bathroom itself, but most of the regulars with their heads in their hands drinking bottles of bud at the bar will rarely notice. What the bathroom lacks in privacy, it also lacks in toilet paper and water pressure. But there is a bar of soap over the sink for cleanliness and a poorly lit mirror for those makeup touch ups that no one in the bar will ever notice.

Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
Aroma - 3 flushes
Pros - soap, working facilities, interesting reading material on the walls
Cons - lack of paper products, doors that don't shut, puddles on the floor
Overall experience - 3.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

My New Toilet

2007-05-31T13:03:00.000-05:00

After a long hiatus, New York Toilets is back. I'm sure all two of you missed me. I'd like to start out again with a toilet I have grown quite fond of. Located somewhere in the West Village, this unisex bathroom is relatively clean. The toilet is conveniently located beneath a frosted window. In front of the window there is a large ledge, where ample amounts of reading material and extra toilet paper reside. The toilet is situated next to the bathtub, "Perfect," my father-in-law says, "in case you want to soak your feet while you are sitting on the toilet." The sink is average, with a mirror above it. There is good light coming both the window and the lights above the mirror. The soap is typically something smelling of honey (since this is what is most often on sale). Unfortunately, there is rarely anywhere to dry your hands, except for on our bath towels (mental note, get hand towels). There is no distinct odor to the bathroom itself, and it is located next to the kitchen, so on rare occasions, when I cook, the bathroom could take on the lovely odor of the evening's meal. The best things about this bathroom is that the door and surrounding walls must be rather thick since you can rarely hear when a person is using the facilities.

Cleanliness - typically between 1.5 and 2 flushes
Aroma - 1.5 flushes
Pros - sweet-smelling soap, reading material, extra toilet paper, plus bathing possibilities
Cons - only one bathroom in the apartment, so there could be a wait; no where to dry your hands that isn't my towel
Overall experience - 1.75 flushes

Spuyten Duyvil

2006-05-24T13:03:00.000-05:00

Yes, there are bars and bathrooms in Brooklyn as well, like this one at the Spuyten Duyvil, the home of rare and obscure beers. This bathrooms, located in the back of the bar on the right comes not only with the essentials - paper towels, enough toilet paper, mirror above the sink, antibacterial hand soap - but also provides its patrons with things to entertain themselves with while doing what it is they need to do. Just outside the bathroom is a bookshelf filled with entertaining reads, so you can occupy your time as you occupy the bathroom. Also, within the room, above the toilet is a can of chalk, for doodling on the walls if you get board. And, in case doodling is not your thing, it is certainly entertaining enough just to peruse the art on the walls to see how others pass their time in there.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes (but this rating was on a Sunday afternoon. I've been told it gets much worse at night)
Aroma - 2 flushes
Pros - all the essentials, plus the activities
Cons - one of two bathrooms in the bar, so there tends to be a line
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Eight Mile Creek

2006-05-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at Eight Mile Creek is a bit difficult to find, even when not inebriated. Go past the bar and the patrons seated eating their dinner and you will arrive in a dark hallway before you hit the kitchen and on your right you will find a door. Now for the tricky part - the door slides open to the left. So you can push forward with all your might and curse the imaginary person inside for taking so long, but it would be pointless since all you have to do is apply a bit of pressure and slide the door to the left. When you finally make your way into the bathroom, you will find a gem. It's wood backsplash, soothing moss-green walls, lit aromatic candles, sweet smelling handsoap, fresh flowers, soft toilet papers will lead you to believe the Aussies treat their guest much better than American bar/restaurants do.

Cleanliness - 1 flush
Aroma - 1.5 flushes ( the scented candles and close vicinity to the kitchen do the trick)
Pros - soft toilet paper, good amount of paper towels, large room, well decorated
Cons - difficult to find, and once found, difficult to open the damn door
Overall experience - 1.5 flushes (now tied for 1st place with Kush)

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Bubby's - Tribeca

2006-04-30T13:01:00.001-05:00

The bathroom at Bubby's continues the eclectic and eccentric decor of the restaurant, but too much attention seems to be focused on kitsch rather than practicality. Case and point - the place is decorated with framed pictures on the pepto-pink walls, lace table cloth on the table next to the sink, and hard water stains in the free standing sink for a very grandma's-bathroom-feel, but the stalls have no trash cans (even when the sign above the toilet states nothing can be thrown in the toilet besides toilet paper, so where is one supposed to throw things?) There was also a terrible lack of toilet paper on the afternoon I was there. But, for some unknown reason, there was a spare roll sitting next to the sink, just a bit out of reach.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes (it is supposed to feel old so it can't be too clean)
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - plunger, 2 stalls and if there is a really long line, there is a game room down the hall, large mirror, places in the stalls and by the sink to rest your belongings
Cons - lack of toilet paper in the necessary places, no trash cans in stalls
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

L'Express

2006-04-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

Head straight past the bar to the small, dark hallway on the right and you will find the single men and ladies room at L'Express. Here you may encounter a line, but at least they provide you with reading material and a mirror to amuse yourself with. The bathroom is very dimly lit, and with the dark grey-tiled walls everything is almost indiscernible. Even though this is a 24 hour joint, they still need to fit in a bathroom cleaning every now and again. I went on a Sunday morning for brunch and there was toilet paper surrounding the toilet and paper towels spilled all over the counter. Otherwise, the bathroom was relatively clean and smelled pleasant enough, with a large counter above the sink to hold my belongings, toilet seat covers, and plenty of paper products (albeit, strewn about).

Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Amenities - large sink, mirror, enjoyable artwork above the toilet, toilet seat covers, industrial pink soap
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Mo's Caribbean

2006-04-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

The bathrooms at Mo's Caribbean seems a bit out of place in a Caribbean themed bar/restaurant and would make more sense aesthetically at a venue like Southpaw. It was a very nicely decorated with bright tiles and a red sink area, but I could see it becoming a bit disorienting after downing one-to-many shots at the bar. There were three stalls in the ladies room, each with enough space to sit comfortably. Each had a trash can and ample amounts of toilet paper (so much someone decided to decorate the floor of one stall with it). On the wall above the sink area was white industrial soap and a paper towel dispenser.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 3 flushes
Pros - large room with 3 stalls, 2 mirrors - one above sinks and the other above a convenient shelf along one wall
Cons - located downstairs - which can be difficult to maneuver while intoxicated, slightly alarming decor
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Muldoon's

2006-04-03T13:00:00.001-05:00

At Muldoon's in midtown, you'll find two single bathrooms located on the wall directly across from the bar. The women's room has all of the necessities - 2 toilet paper rolls located at a good distance from the toilet, soap dispenser with industrial pink soap, mirror, trash can, and a paper towel dispenser. The bathroom is typically cleanish and large enough for you to comfortably sit and contemplate. The only problem with the bathroom is the location. Since Muldoon's is essentially a long hallway with not much room in between the bathroom wall and the bar, one does not have a slight sense of security - you can certainly hear the people at the bar when in the bathroom, so it only makes sense that they can hear you too. Fortunately, on Wednesday nights they have karaoke at Muldoon's so everyone will be listening to bad renditions of Don't Look Back In Anger rather than listening to you.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - easily accessible from the bar
Cons - too easily accessible from the bar
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Hooters

2006-04-03T13:00:00.000-05:00

In a place where women are treated like objects, you'd think they'd treat their objects to a nice bathroom - one with full length mirrors so the girls can make sure their outfits are exposing the right parts; perhaps one with good lighting so that the girls can apply their makeup to perfection; one maybe with a chair or bench where the girls could take a break. But there are no such amenities in the Hooters bathroom. Hang a right after you come in the front door and follow the "John J. Crapper" signs to the right and you will happen upon the bathrooms. The women's bathroom has a very industrial feeling to it with a kindergarten classroom aesthetic quality - as seen in the primary color tiles on the walls. The sink counter is quite large, but looks like something you would find in an elementary school kitchen, rather than in a bathroom. And under it are boxes of industrial-sized cleaning products and other hazardous materials. There are three stalls, one quite large with a baby changing table in it, two sinks, two soap dispensers (of course with the pink soap), two mirrors, and a paper towel roll.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - surprisingly it smelled more like cleaning products in here than buffalo wings, 3 flushes
Pros - large with 3 stalls, each stall has its own trash can, lots of cleaning supplies for really large messes
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Sutra

2006-03-31T13:59:00.000-05:00

The downstairs bathrooms at Sutra are not as swanky as the cordon outside this club might lead you to believe. In fact, while I was there on Saturday night, I found them to be cramped, toilet paper was available, just not on the roll (much like in my apartment), the floor was wet and there was a foul odor in the air. Yes, these are bathrooms and they are not there for us to spend long periods of time in, however, there are things you can do in order to spruce them up a bit. Designating one bathroom men's and the other women's is always a good start. In most cases a men's bathroom tends to be dirtier, since as we all know, men don't have to sit down on the seat, so why keep it clean (especially at a bar). But women prefer to keep the toilet seat and floor as clean as possible, for obvious reasons. So, having two unisex rooms means you'll most likely end up with two equally dirty bathrooms and some very unhappy female patrons. Also, not just placing the toilet paper on the roll, but having the toilet paper roll in a location that is comfortable to reach while sitting down is nice, neither of which happened at Sutra. There was a small oval mirror over the sink, the standard pink industrial hand soap and a hand dryer (nothing as impressive as the Excel dryer at Coppersmith's).

Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
Aroma - 3.5 flushes
Pros - plunger, trash can, toilet paper (just not on the roll)
Cons - small space, wet floor, only 2 single bathrooms so there could be a wait
Overall experience - 3.5 flushes

Coppersmith's

2006-03-31T13:58:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at Coppersmith 's in Hell's Kitchen has a lot going for it, but also a lot of problems. First the problems - there are no locks on the stall doors. The doors do not swing open when you have closed them, but still, some sort of locking mechanism is always a good idea. Also, there seems to be a toilet paper issue. I arrived in this bathroom at 6:30 pm on a Thursday and one of the stalls had no toilet paper in it. I can understand this occurring on a Saturday around one in the morning and not being too concerned about it. However, few things are more important in a bar than making sure you have enough paper products early in the evening to last you throughout the night. In terms of good aspects to the bathroom experience, each stall had a coat hook - which saves your jacket, bag, etc. from potentially dragging or lying on a filthy bar bathroom floor. There were three stalls, so very little wait time if any. And the piece de resistance - the hand dryer. They had an Excel Dryer which is absolutely amazing. I didn't believe it when I read the sticker on it saying "Feel the Power", but this thing has enough power to completely dry hands in 10 seconds. Plus, since it shoots warm air at you at such a high speed, you can see every bone in your hands while your skin is experiencing this wind tunnel, which is highly entertaining.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - "Feel the Power" of the hand dryer (it will blow you away...Ha!), coat hooks, large mirror
Cons - maneuvering down the stairway and through the dark hallway to get to the bathroom, not enough toilet paper, no locks on stall doors
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

The Red Bench

2006-03-30T13:58:00.000-05:00

Probably the worst placed bathroom thus far reviewed. The single bathroom at The Red Bench sits awkwardly in the back of this very small bar and actually butts ups against two tables typically filled with people. The bathroom itself is quite large, with plenty of room to sit comfortably, unlike many of the tables surrounding the bathroom. It has a large mirror above the sink, and the sink counter is big enough to balance a purse on. But one should not feel completely at home and secure in this bathroom. Since once you emerge, due to it being such a small bar and people sitting right next to the bathroom door, everyone will know whatever you have done in there. And if there are intoxicated people, which does tend to happen at a bar, they could make a big stink...about your big stink.

Cleanliness - 2 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - large mirror, space to move around in, plenty of paper products
Cons - location of bathroom, no coat hook
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Odessa

2006-03-28T13:57:00.000-05:00

All the way in the back of Odessa you will find a single men and women's bathroom. The women's room is placed directly across from the kitchen door, which gives you a slight feeling of insecurity that somewhere in the bathroom could be a peep hole used to entertain the kitchen staff. The decor of the bathroom is reminiscent of at least my ideas of Soviet Russia - red, stark and utilitarian. The toilet has a black toilet seat, which shows a lot less filth than a white toilet seat. The terra-cotta tile floors also hides the dirt, making the whole space feel cleaner than it most likely is. A nice touch is the plunger - this is a bar/restaurant that serves heavy Russian food. It could be useful.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Amenities - has all of the essentials and a plunger
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Kush

2006-03-27T13:55:00.000-05:00

At Kush, the Moroccan theme of the bar/lounge extends into the bathrooms. They are located past the first bar, before you hit the second. There are two stalls in the ladies room. Opt for the one nearest the door. Both are small, however, the one near the door has a much better layout, allowing you to sit comfortably on the toilet, rather than having to straddle the door as you sit, as you would have to in the other stall. The two main pluses of this bathroom are the large and adorned sink area with three mirrors and the soft lighting, which will make you think you look much better than you probably do when you emerge from the bathroom to rejoin your party. One thing to note are trash cans - they are those wicker-basket looking things in either stall and next to the main door. They may look too nice to throw anything into, but they are there for that purpose.

Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
Aroma - 1.5 flushes
Pros - 3 mirrors, beautiful sink area, paper products, soap in a decorative soap dispenser
Cons - bathrooms stalls are a bit small
Overall experience - a new record: 1.5 flushes (Sorry Dove Parlor)

Sputnik

2006-03-26T13:54:00.001-05:00

If you ever find yourself in Bed-Stuy in need of a bathroom followed by a libation, look no further than Sputnik. There is one bathroom on the main floor of Sputnik located to the right of the bar. With only one bathroom, there can be a wait, but at least you are able to pull up a seat at the bar and have a drink or a conversation with the bartender while you wait. The bathroom has all of the essentials: sink, hand soap, trash can, toilet paper and paper towels. It does, however, lack a real mirror. Instead of a typical above-the-sink mirror, there are 4 small circular ones, which don't really offer you the full picture. Also, the flushing mechanism for the toilet is a bit tricky. Instead of a knob or handle, there is a chain, which when pulled, makes you feel like you are going to pull over the tank. Luckily, no such travesty befell the bathroom users the evening I was at the bar, but mark my words, it will happen one day.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - plenty of toilet paper and ample space to move around in
Cons - a little to close to all the action to feel like you have any privacy, mirror is lacking, nowhere to hang a coat or purse (except for over the door knob)
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Iggy's - Upper East Side

2006-03-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

To get to the bathrooms at Iggy's walk all the way past the enormous bar and hang a left. If you hit the karaoke stage and they force you to sing a song, you've gone to far. There are two bathrooms located in this area - choose the closer one since the farther one always seems to be a bit messier. Unlike most bathrooms that have been reviewed previously, which are located in the main room of a place, there is no feeling of a loss of privacy at Iggy's. The main room is usually not well lit and most people have their attention to the people doing karaoke on stage. Being that these bathrooms are located in a divey bar, they provide you with everything you need - 2 trash cans per bathroom and antibacterial soap. On this occasion, there were paper towels and toilet paper, but very often they run out, so you may want to steal a few napkins from the bar, just in case.

Cleanliness - a pleasantly surprising 3 flushes on this visit, but could be anywhere from 2.5 to 4.5 flushes
Aroma - stale beer and urine: 4 flushes
Pros - a small ledge to carefully balance your bag on, antibacterial soap, mirror above the sink
Cons - occasional lack of paper products, sticky floors
Overall experience - 4 flushes

Sing Sing Karaoke - Avenue A

2006-03-19T13:53:00.000-05:00

There are two bathrooms located on the first floor at Sing Sing on Avenue A. Located past the bar and down the long corridor where memorable 80s tunes are being screamed at you from all sides, you will find these two unisex rooms. Always chose the one along the back wall (which may officially have been the ladies room at one time, but years of singers with too much beer have wiped any evidence of that away). The "ladies room" is much larger than the other one, almost twice the size of the smallest private karaoke room in the place. Very often, throughout the evening, condition of the bathrooms will deteriorate heavily, as beers turn into shots and 80s songs degenerate into debauched renditions of Cabaret. So get there early, or else wear galoshes.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes during happy hour, 4 flushes after 10 pm
Aroma - a not so pleasant 3.5 flushes
Pros - a lot of open space, 2 mirrors, paper towels, soap
Cons - toilet paper just a little too far from seat for it to be comfortable, sad fake plant in the corner, trash can is always overflowing
Overall experience - 3.5 flushes

The Patriot

2006-03-18T13:53:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at the Patriot is what you would expect in a bar with Merle Haggard on the jukebox, a giant alligator hanging from the ceiling and waitresses pleased to get up on the bar and show you their goods - let's just say, it is there, it is functional, but it is not the type of place you want to stay for any length of time. Not that it does not have all the necessities - 2 toilets (in the ladies room, I never ventured into the men's), a sink, a mirror, hand soap, and paper towels. Of the two stalls, I'd suggest using the one to the right of the door. It is larger and better lit. The one to the left has the door too close to the toilet, so when sitting down you have to balance yourself on the door and in getting up, you better hope your calves are up to the challenge. A plus and a minus is that the bathrooms are located in the back of the bar, flanking the jukebox. The plus is that you can listen to good music while you are doing whatever you are doing. The minus is that since the music is so loud you almost need to shield your ears on the way in and on the way out of the bathroom so as not to wake up with a ringing sound in the morning. The people at the Patriot did, however, try to spice up the decor by hanging Christmas lights from the ceiling.

Cleanliness - 4 flushes (it is divey, but you know what you are getting yourself in to by coming to a place like this)
Aroma - 2.5 flushes
Pros - good tunes to entertain you while you are using the facilities
Cons - need earplugs on the way in and out, no place to hang your bag or coat
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Nancy Whiskey Pub

2006-03-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at the Nancy Whiskey Pub has everything a dive bar bathroom should have. It has two non-unisex bathrooms for one, giving you a place of refuge when being eyed by some of the older drunk patrons, or a place of solace after a few too many shots; it has ample amounts of paper products; a fantastic assortment of graffiti on the walls; a place to rest your bag/jacket/etc. if you feel unsure about leaving them at your table or at the bar. The bathroom is located in the back of the bar, where the ceilings get shorter, making you feel like you're in the scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory right before the children enter the heart of the factory. Although here instead of finding a land where you can eat everything, you will find a single toilet, sink, two mirrors, and a plunger if necessary (nice touch).

Cleanliness - 2 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes (located near the kitchen so the smell of fried food lingers in)
Pros - quite, secure, large room to sit and contemplate, a counter to rest your belongings, lots of art and literature on the walls
Cons - locking mechanism on door can be a bit hard to navigate, single bathroom = potential wait time
Overall experience - 2 flushes

Southpaw

2006-03-13T13:52:00.000-05:00

On a trip to Park Slope this weekend, I came across this bathroom at Southpaw. The bathrooms are located downstairs and the first thing you will notice are four free-standing sinks in between the two restrooms. I have to admit that at first I was a bit confused by their placement and general awkwardness. Maybe they are there since there is only a single sink in each of the official restrooms, which at the time I visited, did not have any soap or paper towels. Or perhaps they are there in case all of the urinals in the men's room are occupied. Another confusing thing is determining which is the men's room and which the women's. At least when I was there, the downstairs area was not very well lit and the black placards distinguishing the two genders were not very visible. Once inside the restrooms, there are a number of small stalls enclosed by curtains (at least on the women's side). The toilets are adequate and the space per stall is not excessive. There is also good reading material located on the walls of each stall, sure to keep you entertained. A single sink is loacted along the back wall of the bathroom, with a small mirror located above it. But go to the sinks outside of the restrooms if you want to wash your hands.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 3 flushes
Pros - with a couch located outside of the restrooms, you can take a rest from the bands upstairs, so many sinks, so little time
Cons - you may feel as if you are peeing out in the open, since there are no doors, anywhere
Overall experience - 3 flushes

Loreley

2006-03-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

If the bathroom at L oreley was explained in rental terms, it would be the hottest property on the Lower East Side - Charming 2 true rooms with exposed brick walls, stainless steel fixtures, and lots of light in a lively neighborhood. Of course, living in the bathroom at this bar may be quite difficult with the constant pounding on the door from patrons who want in. With only two bathrooms located just as you walk in the bar, there is often a wait. They claim that the rooms are unisex, but my recommendation is women should go to the one on the left and men on the right. I have a feeling that is pretty much the norm, since when I tested out both rooms, the one on the right was smaller, a bit smellier, the toilet seat was up and the floor was sufficiently splattered. Both offer the same amenities, large mirror, good light, more than enough toilet paper located both on the roll and on top of the tank. Handrails were located at a better distance to the toilet than at a previously reviewed beer hall in the city.

Cleanliness - started at 1.5 flushes when I first got there but went down to 3 flushes by the time I left
Aroma - 2 flushes for the room on the left, 3 flushes for the right
Pros - useful handrails, lots of toilet paper, large mirror, close to the main bar
Cons - long line, may make you feel bad about your current apartment
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Lederhosen

2006-03-10T13:50:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the ladies room at Lederhosen, a German bar/restaurant in the West Village. It is a single room located past the bar, in the dining area. Since there is room for only one, and ladies on average take a longer time in the bathroom than men, you will most likely encounter a line. This can be a bit of an embarrassing experience, especially if you have guzzled down a couple liters of beer. But once inside, you are welcomed by a hand-written message over the toilet inviting all types of women to use the facilities. Hand rails are helpful for the inebriated, but are placed a little too far from the toilet to give any real support. There is a mirror above the sink, paper towels on a roll and an extra roll in the room just in case. Sweet smelling soap and the reassuring "Employees must wash hands" sign complete the overall pleasant experience.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 1.5 flushes (the smell of sauerkraut and wurst would cover any unpleasant bathroom odors)
Pros - single room for some alone time, plentiful paper products, pleasant graffiti
Cons - having to do the pee-pee dance for a dining room full of intoxicated West Villagers
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Al Dente

2006-03-02T13:48:00.000-05:00

Because bathrooms do exist in locations other than our home and bars, here is the bathroom at Al Dente, a very nice Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side. The restaurant itself is a bit small, as are most in New York, but that leaves very few options in the way of bathroom placement. Unfortunately, the designers of Al Dente decided to place the bathroom in the main dining room. Yes, they may have one of those fans that will protect diners from normal bathroom sounds, but still, one fears that should a "problem" arise in the restroom, the rest of the dining room may know. In the small space they do offer some sweet smelling soap, a hand-dryer, and a mirror, so at least when you emerge from the bathroom with a guilty expression on your face and an audience of diners with distraught expressions, you will look and potentially smell your best.

Cleanliness - 2 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes (since you can smell the wonderful meal sitting at your table)
Overall experience - 3 (points taken off for awkward bathroom placement)
Amenities - hand-dryer and nice smelling soap

Photos were taken by our foreign correspondent Yuli Vladimirsky...from Connecticut.

The Irish Rogue

2006-02-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

One would think that a bathroom located at a bar within blocks of Time Square would be the type of place you would not want to spend much time in. However, my bathroom experience at The Irish Rogue, was quite a pleasant one. The bathroom was rather large, with two stalls, enclosed by very large wooden doors. These doors provide the utmost of privacy extending from about 4 inches above the floor to 4 inches from the ceiling. A nice touch in each stall is garbage can, with a foot pedal, so there is no need to dirty your hands. There is one sink, hand soap, and the option of a hand-dryer or some paper towels on the counter. The one downside to the overall experience was having to push down on the handle for the toilet to flush with my entire bodyweight.

Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes
Overall experience - 2 flushes (points take off for unnecessary exertion of energy on toilet flushing)
Amenities - hand-dryer, paper towels, hand soap, 2 mirrors angled in such a way as to allow you to see your hair from the front and the side at the same time (nice touch)

The Dove Parlor

2006-02-19T11:57:00.000-05:00

The bathroom at The Dove Parlor, located just south of Washington Square park, is a cut above the rest (at least those reviewed thus far). The bathroom follows the theme of the rest of the bar, feeling like a Victorian boudoir, with deep red walls, multiple stylized mirrors, and brass fixtures. Yet, this feeling is disrupted by the pointless No Smoking sign over the sink and the plastic paper towel, toilet paper, and soap dispensers hanging from the walls. A nice touch are the swinging parlor doors on each stall. Although should you drink a few too many Silver Foxes, the swinging doors could be a bit of a hazard and the tiny locking mechanisms are can be a little tricky to master.

Cleanliness - 2 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes
Overall experience - 2 flushes
Amenities - plentiful amounts of paper towels and toilet paper, multiple mirrors, swinging parlor doors

McCaffrey & Burke

2006-02-16T11:56:00.000-05:00

For those of you who think that these Upper Eastsiders never leave the island, allow me to introduce you to the bathroom at McCaffrey & Burke, in Astoria, just beneath the 30th Ave. stop on the N. The bathrooms are located in the back of the bar, conveniently placed next to the back door/outdoor smoking area, just in case the line to the bathroom is a bit too long. The bathrooms are quite large; large enough, as a good friend of mine pointed out, to make out with two people at once in. The long sink-area may seem a bit excessive for only one stall and one sink, but you never know when you may desire a little extra space. There is a hand-dryer as well as a supply of paper towels, which offers patrons a nice option. A mirror and antibacterial soap are available by the sink so one can spruce themselves up before returning the bar.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 3 flushes
Overall experience - 3 flushes
Amenities - hand-dryer and paper towels, antibacterial hand soap, large "enough" sink area

Bar Coastal

2006-02-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

Located on the Upper East side is the bathroom at Bar Coastal. While the decor of the bar itself is UES trailer-chic, the bathroom is quite bland with only a solitary patriotic touch of a "United We Stand" poster on the wall. Two toilets in the women's bathroom, a toilet and a urinal in the men's. Each bathroom has one sink and a hand-dryer. Having paper towels placed on the sink would have been a nice touch, but was overlooked. Bar Coastal does make an interesting choice of no mirrors above the sink. Perhaps since the rooms are quite small they figured that by eliminating the mirror you will also eliminate a gathering crowd.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes (mainly due to the women's bathroom being next door to the kitchen. The odor of the chicken wings is heavenly)
Overall experience - 3.5 flushes
Amenities - hand-dryer

Welcome to New York Toilets

2006-02-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all. We at New York Toilets are committed to bringing you the most comprehensive review of toilets throughout the city. Because, we all have to go... sometimes, and we should be aware of what is in store for us. To introduce ourselves and this new resource, we thought we'd show you where we are coming from. This toilet belongs to us, for at least the next 2 months to a year. It is located somewhere on the Upper East Side in a pre-war building. This toilet, more or less, functions properly. Good suction, not too noisy. Although its tank does refill for no apparent reason once someone sits down on it. The problem with this toilet is the seat, which was purchased in the clearance section of Bed, Bath and Beyond. It never fit properly and now is broken, so sit on it with care or else you may slide off. The nautical theme is invoked by fake wood veneer.

All toilets will be rated in flushes - 1 being the best and 5 being the worst.

Cleanliness - 3 flushes
Aroma - 2 flushes
Overall experience - 2.5 flushes
Amenities - shower near by, sink with many guests' towels hanging close to it, 2 out of 4 lights over the sink still working
Pros - close to home
Cons - too close to the bedroom, never toilet paper on the roll