Jeremy's Ale House

Past the lotto machine and around the bend you'll find the bathrooms at Jeremy's Ale House. There are separate mens and ladies rooms hiding out in closet-like crevices back there. The ladies room has barely any room between the toilet and the sink, so the best approach is to sit sideways. The bathroom is always rather clean, I suspect due to very few ladies actually coming into the bar (though it's one of my favorites!). On warm days, the smell of frying seafood permeates through the bathroom door...this is much more pleasant than the stale beer smell on other days. The bathroom doesn't suffer from a lack of toilet paper (also probably due to it being used so infrequently). It does, however, lack a toilet paper holder, a mirror, and has an anemic hand dryer. The mirror can be excused though, since there is a mirrored beer sign just outside the bathroom. My favorite thing about this bathroom is squirt-bottle soap dispenser, always full of the pink industrial strength stuff.

• Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
  
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
  
• Pros - plenty of paper products, located in an awesome bar/restaurant
  
• Cons - very small, pretty useless hand dryer, no mirror inside the bathroom
  
• Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Landmark Tavern

Way out on 11th avenue you'll find the Landmark Tavern. Perhaps because of its way out there location, the bathroom in the establishment is not often used. For me that makes it a great find, since it's warm, clean, and at least when I was there, there was no line. Go past the bar and into the back dining area and on the left you'll see the sign for the ladies room (the men's room is right at the end of the bar on the left side as well...and I appreciate that the ladies room is a bit more secluded than the men's). The bathroom is a single with ample room. A nice touch was the coat hook on the door, so you don't have to desperately try to perch your coat on the knob or search for the least wet spot on the floor to lay it down. When I visited the bathroom there was barely any toilet paper left on the roll, though three extra rolls were left on the back of the toilet. There are three mirrors in the bathroom, with an additional one facing you as you exit the room...a bit excessive for the insecure, but ideal for the vain. A bottle of fragrant Soft Soap was available on the sink and a full paper towel dispenser was located just above the large trash bin. The bathroom smelled quiet fresh and clean, probably due to the Tri-State Scent deodorizer hung on the wall. Overall, a very pleasant experience.

• Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
  
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes
  
• Pros - single, secure, isolated bathroom, good upkeep, coat hook, plenty of paper products
  
• Cons - hot water was very hot...so watch out
  
• Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

And we're back...coming to you from d.b.a.

So, London Toilets didn't catch on, which is why I'm back in New York (well, not exactly). Now that I'm a few years older, as is my bladder, New York Toilets will be bringing to you toilets from all walks of life, coming to you from all boroughs, wherever and whenever there is a public toilet available and in need of rating.

First on the list is d.b.a. in the East Village. The bathrooms are located at the back of the bar on the right in a dark little crevice (in the summer, when you've been sitting in the outside garden sipping your beer in the sunshine, trying to find the bathroom doors in this dark little crevice can be challenging, but in the winter it's manageable). The ladies room is on the right and the men's is on the left. Magically, in a ladies room the size of a standard single bathroom, they have managed to fit two stalls (psst...this means SMALL). Opt for the stall on the right, which is marginally larger and not in the path of the door to the bathroom. However, in either one your knees will probably touch the doors, which are swinging saloon-style doors with dubious locking mechanisms, so if privacy is an issue for you...well, then you're out of luck. There is some great reading material on the walls of either stall. Though small, the bathroom is rather clean with plenty of industrial strength pink hand soap and toilet paper (though my last visit was on a Sunday afternoon, and if memory serves me correctly, I have found myself having to use the tissues I always carry with me on a Saturday night). The hand dryer is a bit anemic, so it would be nice if they could put out paper towels as well...your hair or jeans will have to do for now.

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
  
• Aroma - 3 flushes
  
• Pros - interesting graffiti, full soap dispenser
  
• Cons - may need night vision goggles to find the outer door, no leg room or adequate locks
  
• Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Happy World Toilet Day!

No kidding! There is a special day in the calendar to celebrate the toilet on the day our modern toilet was first patented. On this day we're supposed to think about all of the people in the world who don't have toilets. But I'd like to take a look back...reminisce a bit about toilets from my past. Some were good, some were not so good...but all delivered in the end. And if you're heading overseas, check out my survey of London's loos at London Toilets.

New York Toilets changes locale

New York Toilets is going on a bit of a hiatus. For the next year or so, I'll be living in London. So if you are in the area or if you're just hooked, please check out London Toilets (after January 6, 2008). Or, if you want to know more about an American experience in the motherland, check out Leo and Jen Move to London. Happy flushing!

The Blind Tiger

There are two bathrooms located in back at the Blind Tiger in the West Village. Both are labeled WC, and can be occupied by either sex. When I wandered into one around 4 p.m. on a Sunday, it seemed more like a bathroom in a hip club on a Friday night. There were wadded up paper towels and toilet paper on the floor surrounding the waste bin and there was fresh urine on the seat and splattered on the floor. But there was a NY Jets game on and the bar was full of large men in their jerseys, so it was kind of appropriate. What made the bathroom redeemable, aside from being in a bar with an enormous variety of excellent beers on tap, was the lighting (which was very bright, yet flattering) and the hand dryer. I have expounded on the glory that is the Excel Dryer, the XLERATOR® in a previous post. The Blind Tiger has this hand dryer, able to dry your soaked hands in mere seconds, sending a jet of air at crazy speeds, and making the skin from your hands look like it's melting off, leaving only bone. I do love these things. There were also paper towels offered, but who needs that when you have the XLerator? Other pluses - ample amounts of toilet paper and a very secure locking mechanism on the door (which you have to wiggle it a bit for it to lock).

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
  
• Aroma - 2 flushes
  
• Pros - XLerator (need I say more), good lighting, extra rolls of toilet paper, anti-bacterial hand soap, large heavy door with strong lock
  
• Cons - not having distinct men's & women's bathrooms (could help with the uriney mess)
  
• Overall experience - 2 flushes
  

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Anyway Cafe

The bathroom at The Anyway Cafe may not be the largest, or cleanest, or most hi-tech, but it is certainly not to be missed. There is a single bathroom located beyond the bar and next to the hanging curtain that encases the kitchen, so there will probably be a wait in a highly trafficked area. But once you get beyond the frosted glass-windowed door, which thankfully you can't see into or out of, you enter a New York restroom of the past. The toilet seat has weights on the back of it, I assume to make it easier for weak hipster men to lift up. The toilet has the tank above it, but does lack a pull-chain for flushing (only has a standard handle), so those patrons that are vertically-challenged may need to stand on tip-toes to flush. The sink is set into a corner in the tiled-wall, keeping it out of the way in this rather small space, and has two soap options. An old oval mirror, reminiscent of the one at Grandma's house, is on the wall to the right of the sink. When you stare into it, especially after a shot of the wonderful infused vodkas from the bar, with the soft overhead lighting, you feel like you have stepped back in time.

• Cleanliness - 2 flushes (old tyme does mean slightly grimy)
  
• Aroma - 2 flushes
  
• Pros - two types of hand soap, interesting bathroom fixtures, good lighting
  
• Cons - only one bathroom, so there will be a wait, toilet handle could be a bit too high for some to reach
  
• Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Peasant

There are two uni-sex bathrooms at Peasant located to the left behind the hostess podium. The bathroom lighting is low and romantic, there are perfumed sticks in a jar behind the toilet, the heavy wooden door provides a feeling of privacy and security, the space is large and comfortable, all inviting you to a fabulous bathroom experience. The rustic Italian theme continues into the bathroom with distressed walls, a stone slab holding up the counter-top glass sink, and olive oil hand soap. There are handrails next to the toilet and a plunger provided just in case. There is a small stack of paper towels located to the left of the sink, which could run out if not replenished often.

• Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes (there were a few stray paper towel lying around the garbage can)
  
• Aroma - 1 flush
  
• Pros - olive oil hand soap, synthetic flowers
  
• Cons - romantic lighting is a bit too low for a makeup touch-up, toilet paper is further from the toilet than makes for a comfortable reach
  
• Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

White Horse Tavern

Yes, Dylan Thomas drank in this historic West Village bar, but more importantly, he must have used the bathroom here. And he probably encountered the same mess as I did last time I visited the ladies room at White Horse Tavern. To the left of the bar, past two rooms of merry-makers, and on the right you will find the ladies room. There are two toilets, and two sinks (though one is located within the far stall and the other is located in the area between the two stalls). I would head to the far stall for more privacy and more space. The sink in the far stall also has a mirror above it and a hand dryer, whereas the one in the in-between region is sans mirror and only has paper towels...which, as you can see from my photos, are lying everywhere. My main complaint with this bathroom is the trash..on the floor, on the walls, coming out of the trash cans. It reminds me of the bathroom at L'Express. Perhaps filthy surroundings lead to creative pursuits, but they also leads to bad reviews.

• Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
  
• Pros - hand drying options, plenty of industrial strength soap
  
• Cons - trash everywhere, puddles on floor
  
• Overall experience - 3 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Staten Island Ferry Terminal (Manhattan side)

Every New Yorker knows that the best deal in town is a ride on the Staten Island Ferry. There is nothing better than a free boat ride with cheap beer on a beautiful New York day. But few know what wonders can be found in the bathroom in Manhattan terminal. The women's bathroom is immaculately clean and wonderfully hi-tech with a slight prison-of-the-future essence. You won't find any handles or knobs here since all toilets and sinks work on sensors. The decor is stainless steel (keeps you cool in the summer and frozen in the winter). Above the perfectly-spaced sinks are perfectly-spaced mirrors, and soap in nearly all soap dispensers. And as an added touch, there are paper towels for drying hands as well as an electric hand dryer. The only possible complaint is the occasional pigeon found nesting above the entrance to the bathroom, but I think this adds to the ambiance.

• Cleanliness - 1 flushes
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes
• Pros - many stalls, many mirrors, toilets and sinks with sensors, plenty of paper products
• Cons - potential for getting stuck to the toilet seat during the winter, possibly pigeon-bombs upon entering the bathroom
• Overall experience - 1.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Dallas BBQ (East Village)

Be sure to hold onto the railing if you've already downed a Texas-sized pina colada and need to hit the bathroom at the Dallas BBQ in the East Village. Pass the bar, the register, and the kitchen, and on the right you will find a rather steep stairwell down to the bathrooms. The women's room has two stall, one of which is always out of order. The bathroom is rather clean and smells of disinfectant, which I guess is a good thing, considering what it could smell like. The stall, in operation, has a large garbage can in it, and plenty of paper products. There is a long mirror above the sink, as well as a full-length mirror on the opposite wall, excellent for making sure your skirt isn't stuck up into your underwear.

• Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
• Aroma - 2 flushes (although disinfectant may not smell too bad, you have to wonder what it is covering up)
• Pros - large garbage can in the stall, plenty of paper products, many mirrors
• Cons - only one toilet is ever functioning, steep stairwell leading to bathroom
• Overall experience - 2 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

The Subway Inn

Few brave souls venture into the Subway Inn on 60th and Lex, let alone into the bathroom. But I, like Virgil, will lead you into this nether region known only to a chosen few (those who just can't hold it in till they get home). Located past the dimly lit bar, in the back of the room are the men's and women's bathrooms. Each is a single occupancy room, large enough to cram in possibly 2 people. The women's room is sparsely decorated, with many an interesting message scrawled on the once white walls. The door to the stall barely closes, as does the door to the bathroom itself, but most of the regulars with their heads in their hands drinking bottles of bud at the bar will rarely notice. What the bathroom lacks in privacy, it also lacks in toilet paper and water pressure. But there is a bar of soap over the sink for cleanliness and a poorly lit mirror for those makeup touch ups that no one in the bar will ever notice.

• Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
  
• Aroma - 3 flushes
• Pros - soap, working facilities, interesting reading material on the walls
  
• Cons - lack of paper products, doors that don't shut, puddles on the floor
  
• Overall experience - 3.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

My New Toilet

After a long hiatus, New York Toilets is back. I'm sure all two of you missed me. I'd like to start out again with a toilet I have grown quite fond of. Located somewhere in the West Village, this unisex bathroom is relatively clean. The toilet is conveniently located beneath a frosted window. In front of the window there is a large ledge, where ample amounts of reading material and extra toilet paper reside. The toilet is situated next to the bathtub, "Perfect," my father-in-law says, "in case you want to soak your feet while you are sitting on the toilet." The sink is average, with a mirror above it. There is good light coming both the window and the lights above the mirror. The soap is typically something smelling of honey (since this is what is most often on sale). Unfortunately, there is rarely anywhere to dry your hands, except for on our bath towels (mental note, get hand towels). There is no distinct odor to the bathroom itself, and it is located next to the kitchen, so on rare occasions, when I cook, the bathroom could take on the lovely odor of the evening's meal. The best things about this bathroom is that the door and surrounding walls must be rather thick since you can rarely hear when a person is using the facilities.

• Cleanliness - typically between 1.5 and 2 flushes
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes
• Pros - sweet-smelling soap, reading material, extra toilet paper, plus bathing possibilities
• Cons - only one bathroom in the apartment, so there could be a wait; no where to dry your hands that isn't my towel
• Overall experience - 1.75 flushes

Spuyten Duyvil

Yes, there are bars and bathrooms in Brooklyn as well, like this one at the Spuyten Duyvil, the home of rare and obscure beers. This bathrooms, located in the back of the bar on the right comes not only with the essentials - paper towels, enough toilet paper, mirror above the sink, antibacterial hand soap - but also provides its patrons with things to entertain themselves with while doing what it is they need to do. Just outside the bathroom is a bookshelf filled with entertaining reads, so you can occupy your time as you occupy the bathroom. Also, within the room, above the toilet is a can of chalk, for doodling on the walls if you get board. And, in case doodling is not your thing, it is certainly entertaining enough just to peruse the art on the walls to see how others pass their time in there.

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes (but this rating was on a Sunday afternoon. I've been told it gets much worse at night)
• Aroma - 2 flushes
• Pros - all the essentials, plus the activities
• Cons - one of two bathrooms in the bar, so there tends to be a line
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)

Eight Mile Creek

The bathroom at Eight Mile Creek is a bit difficult to find, even when not inebriated. Go past the bar and the patrons seated eating their dinner and you will arrive in a dark hallway before you hit the kitchen and on your right you will find a door. Now for the tricky part - the door slides open to the left. So you can push forward with all your might and curse the imaginary person inside for taking so long, but it would be pointless since all you have to do is apply a bit of pressure and slide the door to the left. When you finally make your way into the bathroom, you will find a gem. It's wood backsplash, soothing moss-green walls, lit aromatic candles, sweet smelling handsoap, fresh flowers, soft toilet papers will lead you to believe the Aussies treat their guest much better than American bar/restaurants do.

• Cleanliness - 1 flush
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes ( the scented candles and close vicinity to the kitchen do the trick)
• Pros - soft toilet paper, good amount of paper towels, large room, well decorated
• Cons - difficult to find, and once found, difficult to open the damn door
• Overall experience - 1.5 flushes (now tied for 1st place with Kush)

Toilet-locator (courtesy of Google maps)