Sutra

The downstairs bathrooms at Sutra are not as swanky as the cordon outside this club might lead you to believe. In fact, while I was there on Saturday night, I found them to be cramped, toilet paper was available, just not on the roll (much like in my apartment), the floor was wet and there was a foul odor in the air. Yes, these are bathrooms and they are not there for us to spend long periods of time in, however, there are things you can do in order to spruce them up a bit. Designating one bathroom men's and the other women's is always a good start. In most cases a men's bathroom tends to be dirtier, since as we all know, men don't have to sit down on the seat, so why keep it clean (especially at a bar). But women prefer to keep the toilet seat and floor as clean as possible, for obvious reasons. So, having two unisex rooms means you'll most likely end up with two equally dirty bathrooms and some very unhappy female patrons. Also, not just placing the toilet paper on the roll, but having the toilet paper roll in a location that is comfortable to reach while sitting down is nice, neither of which happened at Sutra. There was a small oval mirror over the sink, the standard pink industrial hand soap and a hand dryer (nothing as impressive as the Excel dryer at Coppersmith's).

• Cleanliness - 3.5 flushes
• Aroma - 3.5 flushes
• Pros - plunger, trash can, toilet paper (just not on the roll)
• Cons - small space, wet floor, only 2 single bathrooms so there could be a wait
• Overall experience - 3.5 flushes

Coppersmith's

The bathroom at Coppersmith's in Hell's Kitchen has a lot going for it, but also a lot of problems. First the problems - there are no locks on the stall doors. The doors do not swing open when you have closed them, but still, some sort of locking mechanism is always a good idea. Also, there seems to be a toilet paper issue. I arrived in this bathroom at 6:30 pm on a Thursday and one of the stalls had no toilet paper in it. I can understand this occurring on a Saturday around one in the morning and not being too concerned about it. However, few things are more important in a bar than making sure you have enough paper products early in the evening to last you throughout the night. In terms of good aspects to the bathroom experience, each stall had a coat hook - which saves your jacket, bag, etc. from potentially dragging or lying on a filthy bar bathroom floor. There were three stalls, so very little wait time if any. And the piece de resistance - the hand dryer. They had an Excel Dryer which is absolutely amazing. I didn't believe it when I read the sticker on it saying "Feel the Power", but this thing has enough power to completely dry hands in 10 seconds. Plus, since it shoots warm air at you at such a high speed, you can see every bone in your hands while your skin is experiencing this wind tunnel, which is highly entertaining.

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
• Pros - "Feel the Power" of the hand dryer (it will blow you away...Ha!), coat hooks, large mirror
• Cons - maneuvering down the stairway and through the dark hallway to get to the bathroom, not enough toilet paper, no locks on stall doors
  
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes
  

The Red Bench

Probably the worst placed bathroom thus far reviewed. The single bathroom at The Red Bench sits awkwardly in the back of this very small bar and actually butts ups against two tables typically filled with people. The bathroom itself is quite large, with plenty of room to sit comfortably, unlike many of the tables surrounding the bathroom. It has a large mirror above the sink, and the sink counter is big enough to balance a purse on. But one should not feel completely at home and secure in this bathroom. Since once you emerge, due to it being such a small bar and people sitting right next to the bathroom door, everyone will know whatever you have done in there. And if there are intoxicated people, which does tend to happen at a bar, they could make a big stink...about your big stink.

• Cleanliness - 2 flushes
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
• Pros - large mirror, space to move around in, plenty of paper products
• Cons - location of bathroom, no coat hook
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Odessa

All the way in the back of Odessa you will find a single men and women's bathroom. The women's room is placed directly across from the kitchen door, which gives you a slight feeling of insecurity that somewhere in the bathroom could be a peep hole used to entertain the kitchen staff. The decor of the bathroom is reminiscent of at least my ideas of Soviet Russia - red, stark and utilitarian. The toilet has a black toilet seat, which shows a lot less filth than a white toilet seat. The terra-cotta tile floors also hides the dirt, making the whole space feel cleaner than it most likely is. A nice touch is the plunger - this is a bar/restaurant that serves heavy Russian food. It could be useful.

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
• Amenities - has all of the essentials and a plunger
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Kush

At Kush, the Moroccan theme of the bar/lounge extends into the bathrooms. They are located past the first bar, before you hit the second. There are two stalls in the ladies room. Opt for the one nearest the door. Both are small, however, the one near the door has a much better layout, allowing you to sit comfortably on the toilet, rather than having to straddle the door as you sit, as you would have to in the other stall. The two main pluses of this bathroom are the large and adorned sink area with three mirrors and the soft lighting, which will make you think you look much better than you probably do when you emerge from the bathroom to rejoin your party. One thing to note are trash cans - they are those wicker-basket looking things in either stall and next to the main door. They may look too nice to throw anything into, but they are there for that purpose.

• Cleanliness - 1.5 flushes
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes
• Pros - 3 mirrors, beautiful sink area, paper products, soap in a decorative soap dispenser
• Cons - bathrooms stalls are a bit small
• Overall experience - a new record: 1.5 flushes (Sorry Dove Parlor)

Sputnik

If you ever find yourself in Bed-Stuy in need of a bathroom followed by a libation, look no further than Sputnik. There is one bathroom on the main floor of Sputnik located to the right of the bar. With only one bathroom, there can be a wait, but at least you are able to pull up a seat at the bar and have a drink or a conversation with the bartender while you wait. The bathroom has all of the essentials: sink, hand soap, trash can, toilet paper and paper towels. It does, however, lack a real mirror. Instead of a typical above-the-sink mirror, there are 4 small circular ones, which don't really offer you the full picture. Also, the flushing mechanism for the toilet is a bit tricky. Instead of a knob or handle, there is a chain, which when pulled, makes you feel like you are going to pull over the tank. Luckily, no such travesty befell the bathroom users the evening I was at the bar, but mark my words, it will happen one day.

• Cleanliness - 2.5 flushes
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
• Pros - plenty of toilet paper and ample space to move around in
• Cons - a little to close to all the action to feel like you have any privacy, mirror is lacking, nowhere to hang a coat or purse (except for over the door knob)
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Iggy's - Upper East Side

To get to the bathrooms at Iggy's walk all the way past the enormous bar and hang a left. If you hit the karaoke stage and they force you to sing a song, you've gone to far. There are two bathrooms located in this area - choose the closer one since the farther one always seems to be a bit messier. Unlike most bathrooms that have been reviewed previously, which are located in the main room of a place, there is no feeling of a loss of privacy at Iggy's. The main room is usually not well lit and most people have their attention to the people doing karaoke on stage. Being that these bathrooms are located in a divey bar, they provide you with everything you need - 2 trash cans per bathroom and antibacterial soap. On this occasion, there were paper towels and toilet paper, but very often they run out, so you may want to steal a few napkins from the bar, just in case.

• Cleanliness - a pleasantly surprising 3 flushes on this visit, but could be anywhere from 2.5 to 4.5 flushes
• Aroma - stale beer and urine: 4 flushes
• Pros - a small ledge to carefully balance your bag on, antibacterial soap, mirror above the sink
• Cons - occasional lack of paper products, sticky floors
• Overall experience - 4 flushes

Sing Sing Karaoke - Avenue A

There are two bathrooms located on the first floor at Sing Sing on Avenue A. Located past the bar and down the long corridor where memorable 80s tunes are being screamed at you from all sides, you will find these two unisex rooms. Always chose the one along the back wall (which may officially have been the ladies room at one time, but years of singers with too much beer have wiped any evidence of that away). The "ladies room" is much larger than the other one, almost twice the size of the smallest private karaoke room in the place. Very often, throughout the evening, condition of the bathrooms will deteriorate heavily, as beers turn into shots and 80s songs degenerate into debauched renditions of Cabaret. So get there early, or else wear galoshes.

• Cleanliness - 3 flushes during happy hour, 4 flushes after 10 pm
  
• Aroma - a not so pleasant 3.5 flushes
• Pros - a lot of open space, 2 mirrors, paper towels, soap
• Cons - toilet paper just a little too far from seat for it to be comfortable, sad fake plant in the corner, trash can is always overflowing
• Overall experience - 3.5 flushes
  

The Patriot

The bathroom at the Patriot is what you would expect in a bar with Merle Haggard on the jukebox, a giant alligator hanging from the ceiling and waitresses pleased to get up on the bar and show you their goods - let's just say, it is there, it is functional, but it is not the type of place you want to stay for any length of time. Not that it does not have all the necessities - 2 toilets (in the ladies room, I never ventured into the men's), a sink, a mirror, hand soap, and paper towels. Of the two stalls, I'd suggest using the one to the right of the door. It is larger and better lit. The one to the left has the door too close to the toilet, so when sitting down you have to balance yourself on the door and in getting up, you better hope your calves are up to the challenge. A plus and a minus is that the bathrooms are located in the back of the bar, flanking the jukebox. The plus is that you can listen to good music while you are doing whatever you are doing. The minus is that since the music is so loud you almost need to shield your ears on the way in and on the way out of the bathroom so as not to wake up with a ringing sound in the morning. The people at the Patriot did, however, try to spice up the decor by hanging Christmas lights from the ceiling.

• Cleanliness - 4 flushes (it is divey, but you know what you are getting yourself in to by coming to a place like this)
• Aroma - 2.5 flushes
• Pros - good tunes to entertain you while you are using the facilities
• Cons - need earplugs on the way in and out, no place to hang your bag or coat
• Overall experience - 3 flushes
  

Nancy Whiskey Pub

The bathroom at the Nancy Whiskey Pub has everything a dive bar bathroom should have. It has two non-unisex bathrooms for one, giving you a place of refuge when being eyed by some of the older drunk patrons, or a place of solace after a few too many shots; it has ample amounts of paper products; a fantastic assortment of graffiti on the walls; a place to rest your bag/jacket/etc. if you feel unsure about leaving them at your table or at the bar. The bathroom is located in the back of the bar, where the ceilings get shorter, making you feel like you're in the scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory right before the children enter the heart of the factory. Although here instead of finding a land where you can eat everything, you will find a single toilet, sink, two mirrors, and a plunger if necessary (nice touch).

• Cleanliness - 2 flushes
  
• Aroma - 2 flushes (located near the kitchen so the smell of fried food lingers in)
• Pros - quite, secure, large room to sit and contemplate, a counter to rest your belongings, lots of art and literature on the walls
• Cons - locking mechanism on door can be a bit hard to navigate, single bathroom = potential wait time
• Overall experience - 2 flushes
  

Southpaw

On a trip to Park Slope this weekend, I came across this bathroom at Southpaw. The bathrooms are located downstairs and the first thing you will notice are four free-standing sinks in between the two restrooms. I have to admit that at first I was a bit confused by their placement and general awkwardness. Maybe they are there since there is only a single sink in each of the official restrooms, which at the time I visited, did not have any soap or paper towels. Or perhaps they are there in case all of the urinals in the men's room are occupied. Another confusing thing is determining which is the men's room and which the women's. At least when I was there, the downstairs area was not very well lit and the black placards distinguishing the two genders were not very visible. Once inside the restrooms, there are a number of small stalls enclosed by curtains (at least on the women's side). The toilets are adequate and the space per stall is not excessive. There is also good reading material located on the walls of each stall, sure to keep you entertained. A single sink is loacted along the back wall of the bathroom, with a small mirror located above it. But go to the sinks outside of the restrooms if you want to wash your hands.

• Cleanliness - 3 flushes
• Aroma - 3 flushes
• Pros - with a couch located outside of the restrooms, you can take a rest from the bands upstairs, so many sinks, so little time
• Cons - you may feel as if you are peeing out in the open, since there are no doors, anywhere
• Overall experience - 3 flushes

Loreley

If the bathroom at Loreley was explained in rental terms, it would be the hottest property on the Lower East Side - Charming 2 true rooms with exposed brick walls, stainless steel fixtures, and lots of light in a lively neighborhood. Of course, living in the bathroom at this bar may be quite difficult with the constant pounding on the door from patrons who want in. With only two bathrooms located just as you walk in the bar, there is often a wait. They claim that the rooms are unisex, but my recommendation is women should go to the one on the left and men on the right. I have a feeling that is pretty much the norm, since when I tested out both rooms, the one on the right was smaller, a bit smellier, the toilet seat was up and the floor was sufficiently splattered. Both offer the same amenities, large mirror, good light, more than enough toilet paper located both on the roll and on top of the tank. Handrails were located at a better distance to the toilet than at a previously reviewed beer hall in the city.

• Cleanliness - started at 1.5 flushes when I first got there but went down to 3 flushes by the time I left
• Aroma - 2 flushes for the room on the left, 3 flushes for the right
• Pros - useful handrails, lots of toilet paper, large mirror, close to the main bar
• Cons - long line, may make you feel bad about your current apartment
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes
  

Lederhosen

Welcome to the ladies room at Lederhosen, a German bar/restaurant in the West Village. It is a single room located past the bar, in the dining area. Since there is room for only one, and ladies on average take a longer time in the bathroom than men, you will most likely encounter a line. This can be a bit of an embarrassing experience, especially if you have guzzled down a couple liters of beer. But once inside, you are welcomed by a hand-written message over the toilet inviting all types of women to use the facilities. Hand rails are helpful for the inebriated, but are placed a little too far from the toilet to give any real support. There is a mirror above the sink, paper towels on a roll and an extra roll in the room just in case. Sweet smelling soap and the reassuring "Employees must wash hands" sign complete the overall pleasant experience.

• Cleanliness - 3 flushes
• Aroma - 1.5 flushes (the smell of sauerkraut and wurst would cover any unpleasant bathroom odors)
• Pros - single room for some alone time, plentiful paper products, pleasant graffiti
• Cons - having to do the pee-pee dance for a dining room full of intoxicated West Villagers
• Overall experience - 2.5 flushes

Al Dente

Because bathrooms do exist in locations other than our home and bars, here is the bathroom at Al Dente, a very nice Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side. The restaurant itself is a bit small, as are most in New York, but that leaves very few options in the way of bathroom placement. Unfortunately, the designers of Al Dente decided to place the bathroom in the main dining room. Yes, they may have one of those fans that will protect diners from normal bathroom sounds, but still, one fears that should a "problem" arise in the restroom, the rest of the dining room may know. In the small space they do offer some sweet smelling soap, a hand-dryer, and a mirror, so at least when you emerge from the bathroom with a guilty expression on your face and an audience of diners with distraught expressions, you will look and potentially smell your best.

• Cleanliness - 2 flushes
• Aroma - 2 flushes (since you can smell the wonderful meal sitting at your table)
• Overall experience - 3 (points taken off for awkward bathroom placement)
• Amenities - hand-dryer and nice smelling soap

Photos were taken by our foreign correspondent Yuli Vladimirsky...from Connecticut.